Getting Jesus Out of Your Life

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Wanna know why Christians have been around for two thousand years? And are likely to be around for a couple of thousand (assuming that we last that long) more? Okay…I’ll tell ya!

Because they don’t give up. Your average Christian has more staying power than a porn-star on a double-dose of Viagra. These guys simply just don’t give stop. You can tell ‘em flat out at the door, “No, that’s all right. I don’t want your literature. Put your Bible away. I think it’s all a crock-of-shit. Thank you so every much.” But, they’ll still come back in two weeks wanting to save your soul from everlasting fire and damnation by putting Jesus into your life.

I am probably the antithesis of everything a Christian believes in. I think Christianity is a weak, Jew, religion that denies the essence of humanity. And is phony and artificial as Stumpy Bill’s peg leg. And still they would stop what they were doing and try to get me, “Right with God.”

Shit, I could have fifty of ‘em tied up. And start throwing them into the lion’s den at the local zoo (sound familiar) one at a time. And when I'm done with number forty-nine; fifty would stand up and ask me to, “Repent.”

Well…I don’t want to repent. I don’t want to be saved. And even if I did, there is nobody that could save me. And if there was, I wouldn’t let ‘em. If there’s an afterlife (and there isn’t.) And I had a choice. Hands down, I’d pick the location opposite that of the happy-spot-in-the-sky. I never liked change.

And beside, if I’m gonna spend eternity in a room with some people I’ve never met, I’d want at least a chance that they would be interesting. If fact, I’d like to make a reservation right now for a double room with Evil Knievel.

I can’t think of anyone, I more like to do time with. Well maybe not...