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Hicks…You’re a genius.

For years, I’ve wondered what was so irritating about our friends in the Christian community. They don’t really have a persecution complex per se. What they have, is a compelling need to be persecuted. It’s what got them started and what’s kept them going. Why would they stop wanting to be thrown to the lions, when it has worked so well in the past?

Just look at their present day routine…The War on Christmas, The War on Prayer, and The War on Values; Decadent art, corrupt movies, abortion and venal television, of course. (They’d attack books but nobody reads anymore.) These guys are fronting more wars at the same time than most generals could imagine.

But, it’s coming to an end. More and more Americans are letting that pious song-and-dance just drift away from everyday consciousness. What the Christians need now is a return to their roots! So, what I’m going to suggest may help…

Remember the conflict between the Buddhists and Catholics during the Vietnam War. Every once in a while a Buddhist monk would assume a seated cross-legged position at a busy corner; dose himself with gasoline; strike match and go up in flames for the cause.

Look, the Christians could do the same thing. Every time somebody removes a Nativity Scene from a public building or Sasha Baron Cohen produces a movie, one of them could go to the local zoo, slop themselves with Zebra urine, find the lion display and jump inside. Bingo! Back to the Old Time Religion!

It's good PR for them. Good eating for the lions. And good riddance for the rest of us.